HRGuru

Hi -

I'm not sure I expect any hard & fast advice but I feel I have to vent somewhere. 



I must be honest and say that I always thought the "horrible boss" stories in places like this were largely sour grapes.  How can a boss be so blatantly horrible? 



I now understand.  I have worked for a mean, horrible old woman for a little over a year.  My self-evaluation leads me to believe that I'm probably an average worker in this position.  My education background is in Liberal Arts (Econ & Pol. Sci) and I do entry level Budget/Accounting work.  I don't think it helped that my duties were never really clearly defined when I started.  I plan on going back & taking some accounting courses.  I do work hard & get along with people well, though I am an introvert & wouldn't say I'm outgoing. 



After my 3 month probationary period I get a fairly negative review from both the bully and my 2nd young respectable supervisor.  Probation extended 3 months.  A month later, another meeting where both supervisors said they saw progress & I was doing a good job.  Shortly after, Bully met with me 1on1 and indicated she still thought I was horrible, but didn't want to say anything after Boss B gave me passing marks.  So after 6 months, another "fake meeting" where I was taken off probation and told I was doing well. 



That was the last time I met with both of them.  I'm not sure if Boss B still likes me because I don't have much time for her with the bully breathing down my neck.  The bully has since ripped into me for everything from my wardrobe (even though I dress better than my co-workers) to taking a personal phone call (I've done this twice for about 2 minutes each in over a year on the job while she talks to her husband every day for 30 minutes). 



After a few more outbursts things were going relatively well for a few months until today where I got my behind chewed out.  There was something I could've done better but I did not deserve the scolding.

It is possible that some of her work-related criticism is valid.  But it is never constructive; always talking down to me.  How is it possible to take somebody so insane seriously?  It's like the boy who cried wolf.  I want to learn & want to improve on weaknesses, but she does not help me.  She has had 7 subordinates in 7 years.  I've been told by more than 1 person that "I've lasted the longest".



I'm a grown man and I cried when I got home for the first time in I don't know how long.  Does this amount to "get another job"?



Thanks for reading.

Yeah I know what you are talking about. Abuse and even the expectance of repeated attacks can make anyone experience extreme stress. It builds up and the 'issue' doesn't seem to ever get resolved. With such people everyone knows how these individuals are, but they keep their mouth shut. When a string of employees has left before you, it is time to move on like those other employees have done and leave such individuals to focus on the next unlucky person who enters the scene. Bad management creates bad workplaces.

OK. If you stay and endure this, it is up to you.

Here are survival tips I was told about in the past, when I was working for a certifiable alcoholic/doper. You may not need this or you may. It depends on the situation. I hope you never need to do any of these things at all.

Document every freaky and malicious event and make detailed notes about each day's carnival performance, especially when you are alone in the office with the nutcase. Make sure to have the time and day and any witnesses (I guarantee you, there won't be any) noted each time.

Be aware that this employer has all your data and may well abuse it. There are cases in which employers use emp data to run up credit card charges. If you are told to buy the supplies for the workplace and are not paid for them, make sure this is documented. Threats about money and your paycheck will become common. Yet there will be plenty of funds for everything related to partying, etc.

Look for the misuse of company funds and bogus books. Check out maxed out company credit cards and closed accounts for non-payments. Look for demands for your pay and claims that the company is broke, week after week, year after year, while seeing new accounts at new banks and new credit cards in the owner's name.

Make copies of every paper in that office and bring them home immediately. Everything--no matter what it is. Make sure that you have a safe place to keep all of this paperwork. This is the second job after your first job at the office. You will have to do all of this simultaneously. (I used large cardboard boxes to pile all the paperwork up in and carted them all home. Bring a box or several for all of this.)

Make sure to have the time and day and any witnesses noted each time. Make sure to bring home copies of all files especially those pertaining to company policies (if there are any), files on you (which will not be easy to find), any slanderous or fraudulent documents (these will not be easily found and may be in bogus files) with your signature on them, emails, the works. You will need them later.

If you have anything like a work contract, get it and copy it and store this at home. Look for changes in the contract directed at you only. Look for constant changes in scheduling and duties, only for you. These will be announced if you are alone in the office.

Look for the smear campaign to be very active and for other staff to be told all manner of bull. You will need to be isolated by the nut so that these games can continue. It is very important to attempt to discredit you so that the employer does not get caught. This is essential. Otherwise, people with some basic intelligence will see what is going on and ask questions.

Make sure that after you finally quit, you do several ref checks from a third party company. Do this over a period of time. These ref check companies have inexpensive services and do a good job. You will need to use them periodically after you quit. They have email services which lower the costs. Some cost more than others, so shop around.

Do not even consider that you can ever afford any legal assistance when you need it. It will cost a great deal of money and the nutty employer will lie her tush off.  She has to cover anything she did, especially if it involves financial issues or fraud. You will never have the funds necessary to defend yourself with a legal rep. Never make any agreement if there is no outside entity to enforce it. It will be broken immediately.

Make note of any stupid threats about, "If you quit, I will make sure you never have a job again", etc.  Look for any financial bull (it will be there) and bouncing paychecks as par for the course. Look for the hiring of old friends to cover for the nut and for many colorful tales to be spread around so that the trail of financial dealings can be hidden. They need time and to point at you. This doesn't work but they will do this anyway. Only the very ignorant and the illiterate will buy into this and you won't want to work for that type anyway.

Again, I hope you never need to do any of this defensive stuff and that this workplace can improve. Good luck with your employer and maybe you can find something better at some point.

Please always remember that it is never worth it to cry over a job. You are not a job, you are a human being. You should be treated like one. You are worth far more than this one idiot. There are great employers out there and good people to work with. You just happened to get stuck with a lemon this time. There are plenty of good places to be and you will find one.