Two radio antennas got married. The wedding ceremony wasn’t so good, but the reception was great!

Fun Things to Do at a Drive-Thru

1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.

2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.

3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.

4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.

5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.

6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.

7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.

8. Laugh sadistically when asked if you would like ketchup.

9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.

10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.

11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"

12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"

13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.

14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.

15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.

17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.

18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.

19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.

20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

Coming to USA . Fantastic calculation of working days. Thought of coming to US for work . But after this reading I have decided not to . Because all the members of HR GURU read  it . And  there  is no chance of getting single day leave.

lolololololol - thanks for that!

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.



What do you say to that?"



"Thanks," said the employee.



"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"



"I suppose not," the employee said.



"Thanks, Dad."

The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.



What do you say to that?"



"Thanks," said the employee.



"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"



"I suppose not," the employee said.



"Thanks, Dad."

Have a life after death

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.



"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.



"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you

 

Join the Workplace Humor group for more jokes!!

www.hrguru.com/groups/45-workplace-humor

As a consultant myself, I feel free to poke this humor:

A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

Thanks!

Ok, this one's a little raunchy, but usually gets a ton of laughs.

Said the unemployed HR bloke as he approached a consultant at a job fair:  "What do I need to become a consultant?"

The consultant answered: "Well, you need to know a lot of buzz words and bit about business, but there are two key essentials if you want to be a SUCCESSFUL consultant."

"What are the two key essentials?" quizzed the unemployed bloke.

The consultant quipped back: "Grey hair and hemorrhoids. The grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned."

A man working twenty five years in HR(Recruiting) depart in a famous company died . After death for final disposal of his case trial started with God on Chair . The attorney General of God Started his submission.

You are Mr .  X son Of  Y born in USA ,Texas ,is it correct ?

Yes Sir,

well your long life is full of notorious activities . You started your life steeling from your mother`s purse , broke the rib of your opponent football team . Promised many girls but unduly broke ,physical assault in the club , hijacking street robbery , creating social nuisance and last but not the least you started online relation with HRGURUmembers ,knowing fully well that deceased cannot be the member of HR GURU.

Do you plead guilty or not guilty .

Guilty sir ,

Ok you are sentenced with 2000 years  RI and  one dollar fine . Do have anything to say  ?

Yes Sir , I was in the HR Recruitment department .

So What ?

Sir ,everytime there were more people who were not recruited than the the people I did recruit.

So?

They cursed me  to their heart content .

So?

My Lord ,law says one cannot suffer punishment twice. Which I did already .

With  cloudy face GOD said ,HMM,it sounds ok , order reverted ,continue stay in Heaven  but not in HRdepartment.

Todd, I have to try to control my laughter so that I can type this.  You are too, too much!

Why Women Go To The Restroom In Pairs 

 When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually  find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.

 Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors.  Every stall is occupied.



  Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking  down the woman leaving the stall. 

  You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't  matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

  The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's  Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.

 You would hang your purse> on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you

 carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would  turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down

 your pants, and assume " The Stance."  In this position your aging, toneless  thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you

 certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." 



To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach  for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

 In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey,  if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOW there

 was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more. 



You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah,  the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying  not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.



 Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your

 neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied! " you scream , as

 you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled  tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether,

 and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare

 bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper

 not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,

 because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what

 kind of diseases you could get." 



 By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of  the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream

 of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down

 your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper

 dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. 



At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe

with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. 



You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a

dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.



 You are no longer able to smile politely to them.  A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of

 toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the

 woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

 As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used , and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks,

 "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" 



This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally

explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women

go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

 

 

rosieskittles says ...

Why Women